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Everybody's a Critic
 Kent Beeson has not been writing much of late, and I'm guessing it's because of the whole fatherhood thing and being a good parent or whatever the hell that's about. Do what my father did to me when I cried too much, Mr. Beeson: rub Jack Daniel's in their gums. Out like a light ... guaranteed.
I started saving Scott Black's quickly vanishing blog posts and reviews not too long ago, although I've been reluctant to tell him this for fear he will use Internet Voodoo and wipe out my hard drive. Can take the man out of New Orleans, but can't take New Orleans out of the man.
Although still young, I await the day when 'Dread Pirate' Steve Carlson quits his job and moves to a Belgian monastery - not out of any traditional religious obligation, mind you, but to brew a beer that makes Westvleteren taste like wet pennies.
Some have balked at Mike D'Angelo's ability to leave a movie well before it finishes ... only to have Mike re-watch the same movie in its entirety at a later date and award it a C-. Up yours, balkers.
Roger Ebert recently acquired a new computer speech program that mimics the voice he once had. Now all he needs to do is commission those same people to design a tool that eliminates the fluff from his reviews.
Steve Erickson once lost an arm-wrestling match with Zach Quinto, but to Mr. Erickson's credit, Quinto had spent weeks perfecting his top-roll.
The TV people in the MPLS recently allowed Eric Henderson to appear on television to play nice and talk about 'safe' fare ... I'm waiting for the day when he breaks loose and co-hosts a movie-themed talk show with Bruce LaBruce.
Dave Kehr once fired his mechanic for making too much noise.
Mr. Theo Panayides directed a documentary called "A Better Hole," which to my intense disappointment has nothing to do with the career of Jenna Haze.
Matt Prigge - according to his viewing log - watches multiple movies in segments over several days, which is a crime so heinous it should be punishable by fines or torture.
Jonathan Rosenbaum laughed once in his life. It was in Paris in the mid '60s, although he still can't recall if it was on the Left Bank or Right Bank.
Mr. Armond White will call your grandmother a cunt to her face.
Spending Spending Spending
Can't find that ultra-rare Region whatever picture from Asia? Have you tried CDJapan? Or YesAsia?
The Criterion Corporation removed their Myspace page because they got tired of getting hounded by dorks (read: me and my various dupe accounts) to release more Pasolini and Makavejev and Marker. But those bastards listened didn't they?
Diabolik DVD can get pricey, so you might need to start that career in armored car robbery sooner than you thought.
Facets Multimedia must exist forever, because my will commands it.
Shocking Videos is run by a madman who spends his nights recording DVD-Rs and his days in a nice cozy wooden box.
Vincent Gallo Merchandise! If you can't afford the milk from the cow, getting Chloë to spit up your birth canal might be cheaper.
Actors, Actresses, Writers, Filmmakers
James Dean has yet to go back to the Five & Dime.
Kat Dennings is obsessed with QVC. And bears.
I'm almost certain Vincent Gallo did not vote for Obama.
Werner Herzog, one of the great conceptual filmmakers, gets shot at often.
David Lynch is also a meteorologist.
Ian McKellen adds class to trash.
Michael Moore's intentions are good.
Keith Richards plays himself.
Mark Romanek is the one to be blamed for the iPod commercials.
Meryl Streep apparently did porn, but no one's sure. Come on Roeper, pretend you're good for something and find this thing.
Hans-Jürgen Syberberg according to Hans-Jürgen Syberberg.
Other Places of Note
The Internet Movie Database is sometimes wrong.
Listology: the enabler for all of us shameless listmakers. Now under new ownership.
The Movie Review Query Engine has me on the Guest List.
The Muriel Community. Great minds don't have to think alike.
Rotten Tomatoes includes me in their festivities.
Ubuweb is the best (and, to my mind, only) avant-garde film collection site named after a play written by a pistol-wielding French dwarf.
© Copyright 2012 Matthew Lotti.
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