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Everybody's a Critic
(or, Let Me Tell You a Few Things I Know for Sure *)
 Kent Beeson needs to lighten up on the cinema's B-movies - not everyone can be Hou Hsiao-hsien for pete's sake. If it weren't for Mr. Beeson, Brian Yuzna would still have a career.
When Scott Black sets up a web site, you know it's permanent.
Teetotaler 'Dread Pirate' Steve Carlson once told me he almost gave up film-watching for macramé and needlepoint. On Thursdays, he goes line-dancing.
Roger Ebert, lover of the thin and flat-chested, just wrote another book: Citizen Kane is Over-Rated and So the Fuck Are You.
If there's one thing Steve Erickson hates to do, it's read. If given a map, he couldn't locate either Africa or the Iraq, because he's a U.S. American and U.S. Americans don't have the maps.
I think highly of Eric Henderson, really I do, but just wish he would think outside the box more. I believe I speak for everyone when I say that Cruising, Mommie Dearest, mail-order videos about clowns and the music videos of George Michael have pretty much been analyzed to death.
Peter North and Kaja Silverman have tea on Saturdays to discuss Rossellini and the Czech New Wave.
Theo Panayides, who just watched Jeanne Dielman for the fourth time in two weeks (!), is almost never away from the keyboard. Recently, he confessed he likes short films and that he has no idea what a metaphor is (since he skipped school that day).
Venomous Matt Prigge unleashes the caps lock fury on his blog (and in the newspaper), tearing the Coens and Rivette new asses every week. He's like Armond White on coke, someone please stop him before we all suffer.
Republican hounds Jonathan Rosenbaum and Dave Kehr regularly vote to dump sewage in our lakes, have week-old puppies gutted and bomb baby formula factories. At different points in time, they worked for the same exact Fascist Syndicate.
John Simone was a Franciscan monk in a former life.
Spending Spending Spending
(or, Damn You Capital One and Your Ridiculous APR)
The Criterion Corporation is my MySpace friend! I send warm messages constantly.
Diabolik DVD: they know you like Asian scat films. Don't try to hide it.
Facets Multimedia must exist forever, because my will commands it.
Like midgets on tricycles? Then 5 Minutes to Live is for you.
Pimpadelic Wonderland carries films by Godard that Godard didn't even know can't remember he made.
Poker Industries provides everything but the chopsticks. Or the fortune cookies. Or the Rapist Costume.
Shocking Videos is run by a madman who spends his nights recording DVD-Rs and his days in a nice cozy wooden box.
Super Happy Fun should not be accessed from work, because co-workers don't understand why you need to horde copies of out-of-print Eurotrash in your Mom's basement.
Vincent Gallo Merchandise! If you can't afford the milk from the cow, getting Chloë to spit up your birth canal might be cheaper.
Every Waiter Is An Actor
... and every busboy's a filmmaker
James Dean has yet to go back to the Five & Dime.
Vincent Gallo's Home Page by Vincent Gallo.
Skander Halim appears to be helping to make the politically incorrect films of the cinema in my opinion.
Werner Herzog, one of the great conceptual filmmakers, sleeps in your car.
Anthony LaPaglia is a damn fine actor.
David Lynch's Home Page by David Lynch.
I had no idea that the great Ian McKellen had his own site!
Michael Moore's intentions are good.
Mark Romanek sets a new standard in short filmmaking.
Meryl Streep does accents!
Hans-Jürgen Syberberg according to Hans-Jürgen Syberberg.
Other Places of Note
Synthome Productions. It's a miracle we haven't been arrested ... again.
Listology: the enabler for all of us shameless listmakers.
Ron Newcomer is Paparazzo.
The Internet Movie Database is sometimes wrong.
Rotten Tomatoes includes us in their festivities.
The Movie Review Query Engine also has us on the Guest List.
* Please forgive my attempt at cleverness.
© Copyright 2008 Matthew Lotti.
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